Cocaine Moustache – On The Mirror

  • Cole Faulkner posted
  • Reviews

Cocaine Moustache

On The Mirror - Reverse Records

Cocaine Moustache – the name says it all.  I wouldn’t expect much from a band that draws its inspiration from narcotic slang, and the band’s debut full length, On The Mirror, only confirms my initial prejudice. 

I could talk about the white powder coating the track list like snow, or the drug trade image of front man White Willie Sniffsum (really…) in his white suit and handlebar mustache, but the fact that my promo copy actually includes a plastic straw floating inside the CD hinge overtop of a photographed line of coke trumps anything I’ve ever witnessed (and that’s coming from a guy who once opened a promo package of a CD from a band called Black Pussy that came accompanied by a miniature toy crab…).

While I clearly think very little of the band’s image, I think even less of their musical output.  Cocaine Moustache is pure meathead rock – the type in which guitars merely serve as an instrument of narcotic rage.  These songs thump along at a mid-tempo pace at a gluttonous five-minute rate.  And when you consider that you’ll be listening to “brilliant” lines like “Now I got the drip, you know I got the drip again, here comes the drip rollin down the back of my throat,” you know that these guys are truly a bunch of meatheads who just live for that next high.  And when it’s not coke, they’re grumbling about getting drunk, referencing Schmirnoff by name (“On The Mirror”), and declaring their intent to drink in excess as a statement against all religion (”we don’t go to church on Sundays, we go to the bar and get loaded”).

The Vancouver, BC quintet is absolutely oblivious to just how ridiculous they sound.  At one point they actually blurt out “I’m going to be the world,” confirming their ill-founded delusions of grandeur and absolute disconnectedness to the world at large.  Knowing that the band actually included the subtext “No Cocaine Was Wasted During The Making Of This Record” at the end of the lyric booklet should be enough to deter anyone from ever checking this out.  I wouldn’t even recommend On The Mirror to a hopeless junkie and wouldn’t be surprised if it actually resulted in the death of some helpless addict.  Addiction is no joke, so it’s downright shocking that Cocaine Moustache would even exist, let alone that a record label would actually sign them.  Avoid at all costs.