The Flatliners

I like interviewing The Flatliners. This was my fourth interview with the band in less than a year and having talked to them on so many occasions, I feel that I’ve started to get to know them pretty well. That familiarity helps turn the interview into a friendly conversation – one that jumps off into many directions, oozes sarcasm, is random and is oh so much fun to read. I can’t think of any other way a conversation about The Flatliners joining Dead To Me on Matt and Mondo’s Power Hour to do a Clash cover could turn into the band deciding to name their new album “Beatin’ Butts and Takin’ Names.” We shared stories of being compared to Macaulay Culkin, Earthworm Jim and Brad Pitt (guess who gets confused for who), discussed Paul Ramirez’s proclivity for smoking and how it fascinated The Mighty Mighty Bosstones‘ Dicky Barret, we talk about the crazy nights that Fat Wreck puts on during SXSW, getting matching tattoos with Riverboat Gamblers and how they wish they played next to a rave every single night.

You’ll be hard pressed to find a more entertaining interview and I, for one, can’t wait until I get the chance to talk to them again.

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Bobby: So I guess we’ll start with the basics – last time I talked to you was at The Fest. What have you guys been doing since then?

Scott: Did some tours.

Chris: Did a couple tours. Did a tour with Strike Anywhere right after Fest. That was great. Did a tour with a band called The Expendables. Which was good, it was interesting. It was a little outside of the box for us but that was why we did it. It was still good.

Scott: Good guys.

Chris: Yeah, good dudes; good dudes. It was just weird because we only tour with punk bands.

Scott: We toured with these guys specifically because they like to lose all their money to us in gambling games.

Chris: Yeah – with dice.

Scott: So we made a lot of money, personally, from that tour.

Bobby: That’s good. Did you pick up any dice tricks from Dicky Barrett?

Chris: [laughing] Man, that’s guy’s hilarious.

Scott: He’s serious about his dice.

Chris: He smoked us!

Scott: Us, being Canadian, we’re really polite people I think. So whenever they roll and some dice get shot over to me or whatever and they’re kind of out of reaching distance from him – I’d go and pick them up and pass them to him. He thinks it’s really bad luck for anyone else to touch the dice during his roll. So I try and be a nice guy and pass him the dice and then he’d like freak out and like “man!!!” At the end he called me Kris Kristofferson because I have a beard. He’s like “Kristofferson man! You gotta stop touching my fucking dice man!”

Chris: [laughing] Dicky Barret. That guy’s a legend man. He was super cool. He gave us all nicknames and cool shit like that. We grew up on the Bosstones, that was rad.

Scott: He was in love with our drummer.

Chris: Oh man, he loves Paul. Loves Paul. He loves him.

Scott: He’s amazed at how high he is…

Chris/Scott: all the time! [laughs]

Chris: It’s amazing. I mean, we are too.

Scott: But I guess we’re just more used to it.

Chris: Dicky Barrett was a riot to be around.

Bobby: And when you’re around Paul who’s high all the time, you just get used to it. Dicky will be like “what the hell?”

Scott: Dicky just didn’t know it was that possible to get that high all the time.

Bobby: You said you toured with the Expendables which was kind of outside your comfort zone, well I was reading somebody commenting about your show in Oakland which was booked with a rave…?

Chris: Oh like recently? Yeah, dude that was weird.

Scott: Yeah there was a rave next door. We had no idea. We kind of just found that out right when we pulled up to the show. We didn’t think it would be a big deal at first and then once the show started going….

Chris: It was fucked.

Scott: And the bathroom for our show was being shared with the one with the rave.

Chris: Yeah; it was weird.

Scott: So if anyone from the punk show had to go use the bathroom, you couldn’t avoid being asked to buy…

Chris: A bunch of weird drugs [laughs]!

Scott: Ecstasy or K or whatever drug.

Chris: Or seeing a bunch of fuzzy, pink viking helmets and candy necklaces.

Bobby: You mean that’s not normal at a punk show?

Chris: It is now!

Scott: Apparently in Oakland it is. During our set, we had a couple of kids from the rave sneak in and jump up on stage and started rave dancing to our music.

Chris: It was so funny because… Okay, my brother is a DJ right so I’ve been to parties before where it’s a good DJ and all that stuff and it’s not a band and all that stuff. People will hop up…

Scott: I didn’t know your brother was Pauly D, that’s cool.

Chris: Yeah – he totally looks like Pauly D. Well, you know – that’s a helmet that Pauly D wears – that hair. You take it off and…

Scott: It’s your brother.

Chris: It’s Andrew Cresswell, yeah! Anyways, I’ve seen people hop up on stage where the DJ is doing his thing and they’ll dance and stuff.  That’s cool because everyone’s there to dance anyway. But with this, it was kind of like – I think this girl thought that that was still cool to do. We’re not going to get bummed out if people jump on stage and have a good time, you know what I mean? But it was just strange because she’d get on stage and she’d be dancing like we were a DJ. Then we would have to convince her to stage dive. Then she’d crowd surface, she’d hit the floor – not hit the floor but, you know, land on her feet eventually – and then she would just come right back on stage. She did it like three or four times in a row and after a while it was like “you don’t know the fucking rules do you?” Like we’re glad you’re having good time but…

Scott: She’s fresh to this.

Chris: Oh man, she was also not living in reality because she was probably on drugs you couldn’t even pronounce.

Scott: But to be fair, half the guys in our band…

Chris: Well, that’s true. [laughs]

Scott: Are extremely high on drugs too.

Chris: That’s very true. It was really funny; like during Dead To Me’s set, this guy got on stage and it was just so easy to tell who was there for the show and who was there for the rave. It was weird and confusing that you could cross streams, so to speak, and just get into either. There’s this guy that got on stage during Dead To Me’s set and was just being such an idiot. Just humiliating himself but he thought he was the coolest dude.

Scott: I missed that.

Chris: He was just dancing around, being a moron. It wasn’t anything that crazy but he just looked so dumb.

Scott: Apparently you need to have the coolest dance moves to impress Chris Cresswell. [laughs]

Chris: No, it was just so awkward to watch.

Scott: Makes for a funny story.

Chris: It definitely does.

Bobby: So, in the end, a few minutes of awkwardness and then a lifetime of funny stories.

Chris: Oh, right on.

Scott: I’d rather play next door to a rave every show for the rest of my life.

Chris: I’m really glad though, I was standing by the soundboard when that guy got on stage for Dead To Me and he grabbed the mic with both hands and went for this huge Sepultura kind of scream – like RAAAWW!. He bent totally down and got right into it but the sound guy, right before, he turned off the microphone [laughs]. You couldn’t hear anything but you could see him going for it. It was fucking hilarious.

Bobby: I was reading an interview that My Chemical Romance did and I guess they have a dead mic on stage.

Scott: For when kids come on stage to sing or?

Bobby: No, what it is, it’s for them to talk to one another on it.

Chris: Oh really? So it’s only through the monitors.

Bobby:  It’s only through the monitors but sometimes they’d get confused as to which mic is which so they’d be like “great job Mike! That was awesome! You killed! Good job Frank!”

Scott: “Way to fuck up the bridge!” [laughs]

Bobby: Then the entire stadium hears it.

Scott: Aw man, that’s too funny.

Bobby: Speaking of Dead To Me, I know you guys just did a tour with them but you also stopped into Matt and Mondo’s Power Hour and did a cover of The Clash’s Bored In The USA. How’d that come about?

Scott: Oh man, we were just really bored at the time and that’s where we were.

Chris: Yeah man. We were kind of talking about covering that song before on long US tours before and it just never happened. We were really, really happy to finally tour with Dead To Me. I think, collectively, they’re one of our favourite bands.

Scott: I think The Clash, collectively through us and Dead To Me, are one of our favourite bands, one of the more inspirational bands.

Chris: Yeah, very true. One hundred percent.

Scott: It just made sense.

Chris: It made a lot of sense.

Scott: We were talking about which song to cover and we mentioned that we always wanted to do that one being that we’re Canadian and they thought that was funny.

Chris: I mean, like you read any of Dead To Me’s lyrics about their political songs and Chicken isn’t really the biggest fan of America. So it made perfect sense. That was an honour dude. That was really fun to do with them.

Scott: Yeah, it was a lot of fun. It turned out great too.

Chris: Yeah, we were really happy with it.

Scott: I fucked it up once.

Chris: Have you heard it?

Bobby: Yeah, that’s the only version I’ve heard so far – the one where you fucked up [everyone laughs]

Scott: Matt and Mondo – they’re getting their butts beat.

Chris: [laughing] wow!! That’s scary.

Scott: I don’t know if I can say ass. I’ll fucking kick their ass. Can I say that?

Bobby: Yeah.

Chris: I was saying fuck. I’ve been saying a bunch of stuff.

Scott: So I can say ass.

Chris: I’ve been saying fuck a couple times.

Scott: Come on man, there’s kids listening.

Chris: I’ve been saying it a couple times! [laughs] But yeah. That was really fun…Butts beat? What the fuck is that all about?

Scott: They’re getting their butts beat [laughs]

Chris: You gotta make that the interview headline. The Flatliners: Beating Butts.

Scott: Beating Butts and Taking Names.

Chris: Jesus Christ… [laughing] I think we have our next record name.

Scott: Beating Butts.

Chris: No “g” in beating by the way. Just “Beatin’ Butts.” [laughs]

Bobby: I know we talked a bit about cover songs at The Fest because you guys are doing the Under The Influence series. Can you unveil those details yet or…?

Chris: We can. I don’t know when it’s coming out but we can.

Scott: Yeah, I guess we can.

Chris: It’s with Dead To Me.

Scott: I think we’re going to do a Rocket From The Crypt song.

Chris: We probably shouldn’t say what they’re going to do.

Scott: No.

Chris: I mean, I don’t know. It’s not our band – you know what I mean?

Bobby: You can ruin their career, it doesn’t matter.

Scott: We’re beating butts. Who cares?

Chris: Beating butts! We’re doing a Rocket song, well we did it already. I don’t know if we should unveil what they did though. It’s not our band. You know what I mean?

Scott: I don’t give a shit.

Chris: Beatin’ butts!

Scott: I don’t give a shit!

Chris: But their cover is awesome.

Scott: It’s going to be a good split. It’s a cool record label and a cool series that they’re doing too.

Chris: It was going to come out on the tour we just did but we had some issues with pressing and stuff like that. Hopefully it’ll come out by the end of the year. It just means we’re going to have to do another tour with Dead To Me.

Scott: Bummer.

Chris: What a bummer right?

Bobby: Ah man, that sucks.

Chris: It’s a total fucking bummer. Joke! That band rules.

Scott: They beat butts!

Chris: They beat butts all the time! [laughs]

Bobby: Why do you think there are suddenly so many cover songs coming out? Like there was just that Germs of Perfection Bad Religion tribute. There’s all the Under The Influence series. I know Sam [from Junior Battles] just put out on Juicebox Records those 13 cover songs called Our Favourite Songs.

Chris: Yeah – they did Green Day right?

Bobby: Yeah, they did Green Day and then twelve other bands all did covers too. Why do you think punk bands are all reviving the cover track?

Scott: They’re just all trying to make money. That’s the plain and simple truth.

Chris: [laughs] I think…

Scott: Oh, you have an actual answer for this?

Chris: I have a serious answer, yeah.

Scott: They’re not just trying to make money?

Chris: They want to beat butts.

Scott: I guess they’re just trying to…

Bobby: Make money while beating butts?

Chris: Oh my god!

Scott: Just pay homage to the bands they grew up on. They probably wouldn’t be a band unless it was for the bands that they cover. I think you could say the same thing for all the bands that we cover.

Chris: For sure. I mean that’s the reason we did that Clash thing. I don’t know. I feel like punk bands – for any kind of music, I feel like punk bands tour the most. Like I could be wrong but that’s just always been my perception. Like punk bands will always be on tour, always playing, always playing. Maybe punk bands just get bored of their own songs after a while and want to cover some other stuff. Like we just jam covers all the time at the practice, just having fun.

Bobby: Just something to switch it up I guess.

Chris: Yeah, yeah. Totally. Just keeps it fresh. Easier than writing a new song!

Bobby: Who wants to actually put any effort and work into that? That’s not punk rock.

Scott: We’re not that type of band.

Chris: No way!

Bobby: Still on the Dead To Me train of thought.

Scott: Again!

Bobby: I know; I’m just obsessed with them.

Scott: Why don’t you go interview Dead To Me then?

Bobby: They don’t come to Edmonton!

Chris: I know, I know – we’re trying to convince them.

Bobby: When you guys did the SXSW showcase, you guys ended up doing a punk rock relay with them and Banner Pilot.

Scott: Yeah, pretty much. It was pretty cool.

Bobby: How’d that work?

Scott: I guess we all just used the same equipment and we ran on and did about three songs each.

Chris: Yeah, about that. We had about a thirty minute set to split between the three bands.

Scott: About ten minutes each. And actually later on that night, Dead To Me played a show at this bridge.

Chris: Oh the bridge!

Scott: They played this bridge show and they played with Defeater…

Chris: All Teeth, Defeater, rad bands.

Scott: Yeah, a whole bunch of bands. Literally everyone was just using the exact same gear, the exact same guitars, and they would just hand it over and do song for song because they thought it was going to get busted by the cops.

Chris: Yeah, they were really worried that the cops would show up; so they were like “at least everyone can play one song!” Then the cops never showed up but they kept going that way. Jon and Dorian, our tour manager, went and they said it was awesome. And they got really drunk on Four Loco.

Scott: We thought it was really cool that we were able to do that thing with three bands but then we saw them do this later and it just blew us out of the water.

Chris: Dead To Me are just one of the most punk rock bands ever. So rad. They are so cool.

Scott: Chris has a crush on Dead To Me.

Chris: I love that band so much.

Scott: He wants to beat their butts.

Chris: I’ll never beat their butts! I’d never beat their butts! [laughs] Maybe I’d beat their butts.

Bobby: You don’t have matching tattoos with Dead To Me, but you do have matching tattoos with Riverboat Gamblers if I’m correct.

Chris: [laughs]

Scott: Yeah, he does.

Chris: I have a Mike Wiebe dot tattoo. Mike Wiebe is the singer for the Riverboat Gamblers. And him and I and Ian from the Riverboat Gamblers and a couple guys from Paint It Black went to this Sailor Jerry’s tattoo thing that Oliver Peck was doing. He basically goes on Warped Tour a lot and just tattoos bands and stuff. Really rad dude. I’ve never met him before we were at South By a few weeks ago. Really stand up gentleman. I got a real tattoo from him but we all got these dots after Mike got his first tattoo. He was in the trailer – like it was just this little, weird trailer – he was in there and I was outside and he came out and was like “dude! I did it! I got my first tattoo!” I was expecting him to show me an actual tattoo or whatever…

Bobby: Well, technically it is an actual tattoo.

Chris: Well, it is an actual but like a legitimate size one. He’s got ink dude. But he just pulls his shirt open and there’s one black dot on his chest.

Scott: But we already beat him to the chase and got these three black dots right there with some of the guys from Strung Out.

Chris: Yeah, that’s true. But I got – it was the same needle, so that’s kind of weird; we’re all clean guys though.

Scott: You think.

Chris: Well, I hope so. But I got one, and Jared from Paint It Black got one and I think that was it. But it was pretty funny because Oliver Peck was like “You want one? Here you go!” right away.

Bobby: “I guess, why not?”

Chris: That was pretty funny. That was a really good day.

Scott: You could’ve gotten neck tattoos like that.

Chris: I was going to get the dot on my neck.

Bobby: To strike fear into everybody.

Scott: You’d look real hardcore.

Chris: Oh man, that was a great day though. SXSW was a really great day.

Bobby: I’m guessing that was day three of it?

Scott: We were only there for one day.

Chris: We were supposed to only be there for one day.

Scott: And we played a great show during the day and a strange show at night. Well, what looked like it was going to be a great show.

Chris: It was a great show.

Bobby: Can you talk about the strange show?

Chris: We can talk about it.

Scott: I don’t know if we want to talk about it. I think everyone knows what happened there.

Chris: Everyone knows what happened.

Scott: Like who gives a fuck what we think about it really? We don’t condone it whatsoever.

Chris: I don’t know if anyone condones it. But yeah we played the Shirts For The Cure show in the afternoon with – who was it? Dave Hause played, Title Fight played, Bane, Riverboat Gamblers, Fake Problems and Paint It Black. That was a wicked show. And then we had the second show which was the Fat show which was also great. The Biters opened who are a really cool band. A lot of the guys used to be in that band The Heart Attack, and then Banner Pilot played – a fucking incredible band. And then we played –

Scott: A fucking incredible band!

Chris: Yeah! You got it! Then Dead To Me played and then Screeching Weasel played and then obviously everybody knows what happened and it was a huge bummer obviously. We were there; it was a weird thing to witness. But afterwards, Dave Hause from The Loved Ones played right after and he did a great job at wrangling this very confused crowd back.

Scott: Yeah, he did an awesome job.

Chris: He did a really great job; and then Joey Cape played after Dave. So it was still a good end to the night even though something really fucked up happened.

Bobby: I’m kind of curious, like I just saw the video which ends like fifteen seconds after the incident. So I’m wondering – what was it feeling like in the venue? What was the atmosphere like? Was everyone just like “what the hell just happened?”?

Scott: It was weird.

Chris: It was awkward.

Scott: They took off pretty fast. I don’t know. I think everyone just tried to go on with the show.

Chris: Yeah, it was kind of nipped in the butt.

Scott: Everyone was like “what the fuck just happened? Oh my god. Well… okay. Let’s get on with it.”

Chris: No one wanted to dwell on it.

Scott: It’s not like they drank Fat Mike’s piss or anything [everyone laughs].

Chris: Those Fat showcases man. I don’t know what they’re going to do next! But the people at Fat, they worked so hard to make this show a great one – and it still was. Obviously something unfortunate happened but everyone knows what happened and um –  fuck it. We can’t really comment. It is what it is. At the end of the day, the show – aside from that one thing – was a lot of fun. We’re really proud to be a part of that label.

Scott: Great venue too.

Chris: Yeah, it was a really cool venue and we were so thankful to be there and have those great people at Fat put on that show.

Bobby: I forgot about that Fat Mike pissing story. That was hilarious; and just how he kept it up for like four months afterwards…

Scott: It was brilliant.

Chris: We saw him.

Scott: He told us it was piss. He told us it was real piss.

Chris: Yeah, he kind of kept it going with all these people he knew. It was hilarious.

Bobby: What I found weird about it was that I was telling my parents and some other people about it and they were like “that makes no sense, that’s not funny.” Then I was at Warped Tour with like Sully [Mike Sullivan from Explore Music], Sam [Sutherland from Junior Battles and Exclaim’s Garage Land] and Barry [Taylor from Aux TV] and we’re talking about it and all thought it was amazing. It was weird to see the different view points – the punk crowd is like “that’s insane!” while everyone else is like “that’s just weird….”

Chris: I think he was going for a pretty much Andy Kauffman – weird out set. We weren’t there but I heard….

Scott: From bands that were there and we’re friends with, they said it was one of the weirdest things they’ve ever seen.

Bobby: I have a video of it.

Scott: The entire thing?

Bobby: Yeah, the entire thing.

Scott: Oh, no way.

Bobby: I haven’t watched it all; I’ve watched some bits and clips of it though.

Scott: He’s got some sad stories that guy, man.

Chris: He does.

Scott: And no one really knows that part of him. He’s just like a crazy bastard, you know what I mean? So to see him kind of go out there and do that…

Chris: He did really put himself out there in a very vulnerable spot. It was weird because we were on tour somewhere really far from home so we were all just reading about it. We weren’t even talking to people about it, we were just reading about it on the internet. I guess in one of the accounts we read, they detailed some of the stories he told and a lot of people were saying “oh, those are fucking bull shit stories!” And some of them he had told us on tour before – you know what I mean? And they’re heavy stories. To hear them from him, they’re heavy stories. So it’s kind of like a bummer to hear that people didn’t believe him because he does such a great job at fucking with people and getting under people’s skin and that’s exactly what he was doing but there was truth to it. I thought it was – again, we weren’t there – but I thought that, in the end, it was actually a pretty brilliant set.

Bobby: What I found interesting was the fan’s reaction because nobody knew how to react. Some people were cheering and laughing and some people were like “what the hell…”

Chris: I heard certain people who thought, at that moment, that they drank his piss were like stoked. Which is kind of crazy.

Scott: I think the main thing he wanted from that entire thing was people to be talking about it years after.

Chris: Oh yeah.

Scott: And look at us now – we’re still talking about it.

Chris: Exactly, it was a year ago.

Bobby: It will go down in history as one of those great punk rock stories.

Scott: That’s what he wanted.

Chris: One hundred percent man. And he is a brilliant man, especially when it comes to getting under people’s skin man. He’s really good at it.

Scott: Funny guy.

Chris: Yeah, he’s a funny dude. He’s been doing it for years now, he does it well.

Bobby: Let’s circle back a bit to, you know, The Flatliners. Maybe.

Scott: Ah, whatever.

Chris: We don’t have to.

Bobby: They’re not that interesting but…

Scott: Yeah, they sleep a lot.

Bobby: Okay, we’ll first take a slight detour from The Flatliners to Chris Cresswell.

Scott: That sounds great; I want to sit this one out.

Bobby: Because you have that split acoustic coming out with Brendan Kelly, Jeff Rowe and Mike Hale. How’d that come about?

Scott: Well, they called me and I was “I’d love to, but I have a little too much on my plate right now so pass this one over to Chris.”

Bobby: Second choice, makes sense.

Scott: You’re welcome.

Chris: Thanks man, I appreciate it. Basically, we made friends with Neil Schulman who runs Anchorless Records. He put out a Johnny Cash tribute compilation that we were on a couple of years ago.

Bobby: All Aboard?

Chris: Yeah, All Aboard. And he’s become a good friend of ours.

Scott: He’s a great dude.

Chris: Yeah, he’s a great guy. He looks a lot like Crash Bandicoot.

Scott: That’s a mean thing to say.

Chris: No, no, no. Dude, dude, I told him that when we saw him at South By and he was into it.

Scott: Okay.

Chris:  He was into it. I feel like it’s a compliment. And that’s my favourite video game. Well, that and Mario.

Bobby: For the longest time, in junior high, my friend – whenever I took off my glasses – was like “Earthworm Jim!”

Chris: [laughs] Well, I get Macaulay Culkin a lot and Chris Klein.

Scott: I get Brad Pitt and Johnny Depp a lot.

Chris: I get God.

Scott: That’s cool. [Everyone laughs] Earthworm Jim was cool though.

Chris: Earthworm Jim was a great game, so you can be happy with that.

Scott: I loved that game.

Chris: Umm… Basically, we did a show in Boston right after Christmas and Neil just asked me then. They were looking for a third guy and he was like “I guess you can fucking do it, you asshole.” I was like “cool man! Thanks a lot!”

Bobby: You can feel the energy in the air.

Scott: The excitement in the air.

Chris: It was cool. I was really honoured to be a part of that. It was a lot of fun to record that song that way too.

Bobby: What song did you end up doing?

Chris: I did Liver Alone. It was fun, it was fun man. But yeah, just the fact to share a piece of wax with those dudes is cool. It gets me stoked.

Bobby: Now we will go to The Flatliners. [Scott sits up, brushes the dust of his shoulder, clears his throat and stretches] Get ready.

Scott: Getting ready. “Me may ma mo moo” [warming up his throat]

Bobby: Cavalcade, of course, kind of… swept the year end list in a lot of ways.

Chris: I thought you were going to say sucked.

Scott: Kind of… sucked.

Bobby: Well, that’s kind of a given. I mean, it’s The Flatliners. [Everyone laughs]

Scott: We had to pay a lot of money to get on those best of lists. But it was worth it.

Bobby: What was your reaction to all the accolades?

Chris: It’s nice.

Scott: Yeah, it was nice. We can’t really go out there and say that we were expecting it to bomb or expecting it to do great.

Chris: To be honest, we don’t really care [laughs].

Scott: Yeah, we just put out what we wanted to put out and hoped that our old fans would like it and maybe pick out a couple of new fans at the same time. And the reaction it got was pretty awesome. It was a tough year too because a lot of fucking great bands put out amazing records last year.

Chris: Oh fuck, yeah man. Really, really good records came out last year.

Scott: So we were kind of just concentration on that last year rather than our own record I guess.

Chris: I mean like we’re really proud of the record. It was kind of a frustrating one to put together just because we did it between tours and stuff like that and whatever. But in the end, we know that we can sleep sound knowing that we fucking put everything into it that we could have. And yeah, I guess people liked it and that’s awesome. We were all pretty surprised, to be honest, that we made some of those year end lists and stuff. But it’s cool. We’re not going to be like “yeah, whatever, fuck it” – if you’re on that list, it makes you feel good about what you accomplished.

[At this point, bassist Jon Darby comes into the van to grab his backpack]

Chris: Hey man! What’s up?

Scott: Hey Jon, do you have any opinions on Libya?

Jon: The labia? [everyone laughs]

Chris: Yeah buddy!

Jon: Did you guys say that too or something?

Scott: Noooo. Just putting you on the spot dude. We’re not even talking about that. But yeah, we were stoked though.

Bobby: I was reading one interview you did with Intercamp for MacEwan where you were saying how Cavalcade outsold The Great Awake even with downloading and everything.

Scott: Is that true?

Chris: I don’t know I said that. I don’t know how many records we’ve sold at all. I did an interview recently when somebody asked about that and I think my answer was “I have no idea.”

Scott: So he just made up an answer uh?

Chris: Well that guy may have. Probably not, but who knows. But, these days, it’s kind of impossible to tell the amount of records you’ve sold.

Scott: We’d rather tell the amount of people that come to our shows and sing along to the lyrics rather than who’s buying it online or who’s downloading. We don’t really care man. We’re not going to try and compete with the times.

Chris: There’s no use.

Scott: Like sue everyone and be a fucking dick.

Chris: Yeah, like lets be Lars Ulrich. There’s no use fighting it. For everyone that buys the record, there could be five or ten or maybe more people that download it. Whatever.

Scott: Just the other day I was downloading the entire Wilson Phillips discography and that’s a band that deserves my money.

Chris: One hundred percent.

Scott: But I’m not going to pay it. Because it’s rough times.

Chris: Well, because you don’t have any.

Scott: Yeah, I don’t have any money and I need to hear the music either way right? So who I am to judge if people are going to download our records?

Chris: I know, I know, I know. I thought Lars Ulrich was a really cool dude before and a really good drummer.

Scott: Well, he’s still a good drummer.

Chris: Yeah he’s pretty good.

[Drummer Paul Ramirez enters the van looking for something too]

Scott: Hey Paul!

Paul: Yeah?

Scott: Here’s a question for this interview, what do you think of the Civil War in Libya?

Paul: Ummmm….

[Chris and Scott laugh]

Paul: Well no, wait for my answer.

Scott: That’s not even a question. I’m just joking.

Paul: Oh, okay.

Chris: We’re talking about music and stuff. Stuff that actually matters.

Paul: Well, in Libya, I mean if they’ve been under this dictator for so long – that guy’s been in power for like forever right? Quaddafi or whatever.

Chris: Close.

Paul: What is it?

Chris: I think its Gaddafi.

Paul: Man, I watch the Daily Show and the Colbert Report every day when I’m at home so I’m usually up to date. As much as they’re a joke, it’s still somewhat serious.

Chris: The show?

Paul: Yeah.

Chris: I thought you meant the country. I was like “you better watch your tongue dude!” [Everyone laughs]

Scott: Your answer’s longer than Jon’s [laughs].

Chris: Jon said “The labia?” and it was pretty hilarious.

Scott: Okay, that’s good.

Paul: Thank you.

Scott: Thanks man.

Paul: I’m looking for my phone charger, but I can do this later. There’s more important things to smoke. Later.

Chris: You’re going to smoke your phone charger? What the fuck?

Paul: Alright, have fun. [Not hearing Chris and leaving the van]

Bobby: And that’s why Dicky Barrett was impressed.

Chris: Oh, my god. [laughs] But anyways, getting back to it. There’s no use, these days for a band – like our kind of band – even worrying about that shit. Fuck it. I mean, like I said, earlier, punk bands tour all the time anyways. Just go by how the shows are doing and this tour’s been great dude. We’re really stoked.

Bobby: Okay, I’m going to end with one question that Mat Hollington [The Flatliner’s number one fan] told me to ask you guys when I ran into him this afternoon. He told me to ask you: do you shave your butts?

[Chris bursts out laughing]

Scott: I never have.

Chris: This actually, believe it or not, came up between him and I last night.

Scott: Really?

Chris: And I will say this: he shaves his butt.

Scott: He told you he shaves his butt?

Chris: Nah, I don’t know.

Scott: How do you shave your butt?

Chris: I don’t know. You need a couple mirrors. I’ve never shaved my butt.

Scott: It seems dangerous. It seems like you need to get up on ledges on stuff and with a razor blade – that’s just not worth it.

Chris: Or you can just ask a friend to help you.

Scott: Yeah, nope.

Chris: We’re not that good of friends. We’re not going to help each other shave our butts. That’s a great end note right there.