The Horny Bitches – 13 Reasons To Fuck

  • Bobby Gorman posted
  • Reviews

The Horny Bitches

13 Reasons To Fuck - Trigger Records

Lyrics are an interesting thing. While yes, they’re only one part of a song, they have the power to make a good song great or a good song bad. There’s a lot of different types of lyrics – the political, the angsty, the angry, the lovey dovey, the joke songs and so on. I’ve recently decided that my two favourite at the depressing/introspective lyrics or the eternally optimistic style – I like others, but those seem to be my two favourite styles. The Horny Bitches are not that style and it’s the lyrics that truly destroy their album, 13 Reasons to Fuck.

The Horny Bitches have a mission here: to shock their listeners. It’s an old punk rock theme – shock the listeners, the bystanders and the none-punks.  That’s why there were Mohawks and swastikas, to stand out and shock the crowd. The Horny Bitches are doing the same thing through crude and overtly sexual imagery. Everything is concocted around that idea – their logo is developed from drawn penises, their stage names are Virgin Slut, Izabitch and Juicy Mary, the album begins with a phone sex call about having dildos in their cunts and every single song is about sex.

The thing is, instead of being shocking, it comes off as gimmicky, crude and just kind of pointless. Songs like Your Ass Is A Storage Room, DP Story, Suck and Swallow, MILF, Lick My Big Toe – you can guess what they’re all about and you’re just left asking why? All of it reminds me of Left Nutt, yet another pointlessly graphic band who tries to shock and just simply fail.

It’s a shame, because while the music on 13 Reasons to Fuck isn’t anything extraordinary, it has its merits. A mixture of The Distillers and Civet (although leaning more towards the latter than the former), The Horny Bitches are a strong, female street punk band with a thick, full sound to them. Normally fast with sing along choruses, they could be fun to sing along to if the songs just weren’t so damn dumb. They mix it up occasionally, like on Choke Me which has some Bouncing Souls/The Fight vibe to them. The lyrics, once again, destroy it though. How can I take them seriously when they say “And even if I swear you to stop, please rape me all night long.” Considering the commotion of D.R.U.G.S.’ fantasized rape scene in their new music video – this seems somewhat opposed to the punk rock ideal.

Punk is supposed to be shocking and unexpected – and it still can be. I just can’t help but feel that punk has progressed past this and become more intelligent in their delivery of shocking material. The way The Horny Bitches do it just seems young and immature.